Having been through a bit of a soul-searching dithering what do I want to do with my life yawningly boring six months or so I am beginning to feel more of myself than I probably have for over two and half years since my sister died. In fact I think the emotional roller coaster I have been on (which I have no doubt isn’t completely over) has actually perversely left me more confident and stronger than I was before and made me aware of what really matters to me the most.
Through it all my passion for plants hasn’t gone although it has been knocked about a bit while I have toyed with garden writing and spent last year running around to various press events. However, as I have said on here before this isn’t a course I’m interested in following. I have realised how much I enjoy my job in University administration. I am very lucky in that no two days are the same in my job and I work with a great bunch of people despite the difficult times the sector is going through. There are lots of exciting developments coming up and it will be great to be part of it all. I think I have spent the last two and half years running away and avoiding things and distracting and filling my mind with anything and everything to avoid confronting difficult feelings and emotions. However, I have turned a substantial corner and found myself craving my old life and pastimes.
Hence the ridiculous purchase of seeds which if I am honest is far in excess of any year before. I can blame the year old allotment, or maybe plans to sell plants in the future or maybe even Sarah Raven’s recent programme about encouraging beneficial insects to the garden. Whatever the reason I now have a very large box of seeds which is so big it has to sit on the floor but it makes me very very happy.
I have toyed around in the garden over the last year with some new borders and this year I want to focus on really making them look good and get the garden looking as lovely as it did three years ago before I made myself too busy to really look after it. Due to this desire I am cutting back drastically on all the running around to events and may only go to the Malvern show this year plus visiting some gardens which are easy to reach from home or on the way to and from Plymouth to collect/deposit my youngest at University.
Saying that I also think having one of my sons living away from home has made the time spent when we are all living in the same house so much more precious and another reason why I don’t want to spend time charging around. I suspect the only other horticultural exploits will be attending some of the wonderful events organised by the Womens Farm and Garden Association which I feel is a gem of an organisation and should be known more about. My first outing with them is in April to Katherine Swift’s garden on which the Morville Year is based.
As I have said before I am studying a landscape history course which is for 10 weeks and finishes in April. I am loving discovering the history of landscape history but have been surprised at how much of a challenge it is to find the time and energy to do the work. It isn’t that many years since I completed a degree with the Open University which was far more intensive and to be honest I have no idea how I did it as well as work full-time and bring up two children single-handed. I suspect part of the reason I am struggling is because my job has changed so much and is far more demanding. I don’t think I will do any more academic courses for some time if at all but it has fueled my interest to learn more although I can do this through books and casual reading.
I am, at present, continuing with my weekly Botanical Art classes. Its one of those situations where I get home from work on a Thursday and have to convince myself to go back out to art class but when I’m there I really enjoy it and have a laugh with my fellow classmates. I have also recently made a leap forward and my paintings have improved and I feel a little more confident so I don’t think my sons will let me give up easily.
So this year is going to be a year of focussing on the garden and home (also in serious need of redecoration) and family. I wonder if this time next year I will be saying how much I want to travel around seeing things!!
Oops I sat down to write a post about how many seeds I had to sow and ended up with this one! Feel better for having articulated my thoughts though.