Why do I write? Because I can’t help myself. I need to let out the thoughts and whitterings that run around my mind. As Sylvia Plath said:
“I write only because
There is a voice within me
That will not be still”
I am a restless soul with a mind like a mad chirping bird that flits from one thing to another. I try to calm my mind, to focus on one thing but its a struggle. Mental multi-tasking would be my super-hero quality but …. and its a big BUT when I have written, be it in a diary or on my blog, especially when I write from the heart my busy mind is calm.
I think the process of writing makes me focus on one thing, banishing other thoughts away, and sometimes I let it help me sort through tangled thoughts and muddled priorities. I often don’t publish my most heart-felt ramblings but the act of writing them down is sufficient.
What do I write about, well mainly my garden and gardening but I want to explore other types of writing. I write a lot at work as well but these are reports so a different style of writing, very concise and dry – my mind flits a lot when I do this writing.
I started blogging because I wanted to connect with other gardeners and to be honest with gardeners more of my generation than the older generation that inhabits most garden clubs. I wanted to find people who were plant addicts, who got excited when the seeds for some unusual or difficult plant germinated. I have been writing this blog for over 8 years and it has held me in good stead. It has provided me with a rock during times of extreme difficulty, a safe place where I could forget for a while the troubles and tribulations that were assaulting my being. It has allowed me to see places and become involved in events that I would never had been able to without the virtual connections I have made. Writing has enabled me to draw out the real me. A me that had lost its self-belief and confidence after a difficult and abusive marriage and other equally destructive relationships. A me that felt guilty for being a single parent, a me worried about how society judged me, a me frightened of my own shadow. Through this blog I have learnt to trust my instincts, to listen to my heart rather than my head and to believe in myself. It has given me confidence and self-esteem.
But (yes another but) I feel a need to improve my writing, maybe to develop it, I don’t know. My life is going through significant changes both at home and at work, it has led to a surge of tidying up, obviously due to a need to be in some sort of control, sorting out of cupboards, drawers etc and I think my mind. I feel as though I am exiting from a grey oppressive place that I have inhabited more on than off, I feel as though I am beginning to like myself, to accept myself and not feel as though I need to apologise so much for just being…well me. Liking yourself is not always an easy thing to do.
So as part of this unintended tidying up, sorting out, improving I signed up to Writing 101 (and Blogging 101) hence this post – my first assignment. Apologies for regular gardening fans but the blog may go a little off-piste over the coming days but who knows you may enjoy it. I hope I do.